i had actually intended to take a week off because there once again seemed to be a rehashing of old and 'slowly-going-stale' topics. more of the "noah" controversy over the 'historical inaccuracies' in the script, the fact that they refer to 'the creator' and don't call god by his given name (which is....kevin? frank? abernathy?), that the movie apparently wanted to put an emphasis on the stewardship of the earth malarkey and they had the nerve to actually give noah's wife a name, let alone a voice. i mean, how very DARE they! they couldn't help but mention the director is an atheist (not sure if it's even true), and therefore how could an atheist present a balanced and accurate biblically themed movie without having a sinister ulterior motive? conservative author and commentator, jeff kinley, even appeared on fox news, because isn't this afterall news. to declare that the movie is just another sign that jesus is a-comin' and THE END IS NEAR!!! the movie is just another symbol of our 'godless culture'. i don't remember this much hooey, or any at all, when '2012' came out! it pretty much did the same thing, but with more pyrotechnics, and i don't believe god's name was mentioned....even once. but they go on and on and on....and even if it gets panned by the critics, it's turning into a movie i want to see, if only because the special effects look AWESOME!!
surprisingly, pat robertson hasn't, to my knowledge, weighed in on 'noah' but did come out of his hole long enough to say that he misses the good old days. you know, the days when you could stone someone for being gay, while tristan emmanuel, an evangelical canadian (or should that be a canadian evangelical) is upset that someone isn't stepping forward to 'defend god's honor' by flogging bill maher for calling god a 'psychotic mass murderer'. personally, if i were god, i'd be offended that someone would even suggest that i, GOD, needed my honor defended! really? i destroyed the earth once and killed everybody on it because they just didn't meet manufacturers standards so you'd think i could handle one measly little atheist comic on my own. it's just a good thing tristan (how gay is that name, really?) didn't say bill should be stoned, he'd say "why yes. thank you. that would be nice." besides, he probably was already. but flogging was the least of it. he goes on to claim that anyone doing something so egregious as blaspheming god, the 'ultimate authority' of the nation, that person should be imprisoned for up to six months (or until they see the error of their ways), branded with a red hot iron (a simple, tasteful tattoo wouldn't be enough?) or have their tongue pierced (which some might consider fashionable).
needless to say, he regrets the anti-blasphemy laws were ever abolished back in 1952. and here people want to think justin bieber is the worst thing to come out of canada! he even makes ted cruz seem somewhat cuddly...in a creepy, slimy way. but i'm sure he and daddy cruz would get along famously. after all, tristan and rafael....how gay is that.
anywho, for someone who was going to take the week off, i certainly do go on. no surprise. the main thing i was going to comment on was something that got into my head as i was settling back into bed (or trying to) after my very early morning bathroom run and wouldn't let go. it had to do with the little girl, eight years old, who was forced to find a different school because the administration decided that, because of her looks, she didn't measure up to some arbitrary and unspecified biblical standards of what a girl should look like. are there "10 commandments for tots" that we were never told of? seems she likes short hair, wearing boyish clothes and playing with toys stereotypically associated with boys. insinuating that she might be **GASP!** transgender, the school came up with the perfectly logical(?) excuse for them to demand she dress more girlie or find another school by claiming they were concerned over possible "bathroom issues", even though the girl's grandmother swears she has never expressed any such sentiments. that, in itself, is bothersome but should have in no way prevented me from falling back to sleep. it was the use of the term "bathroom issues". maybe it had to do with the fact i had just come from there but it struck me as something you could call magazines your doctor subscribes to specifically for reading in the porcelain library. from there it went to magazines (or books) that one might find left laying on the floor next to the toilet, minus the last page of the only interesting article because that's where the coupon was (and they always get left on the floor. why can't people put them back? and who wants to read a magazine someone left laying on the floor of a public toilet? gross!) sorry. back to my thinking...if there were, say a magazine like readers digest, that was specifically for a christian office bathroom floor, what kind of articles might be inside? here are a few i came up with:
how to blame satan when you do something exceptionally stupid.
everybody poops....but jesus makes mine smell like roses. learn how
he can do the same for you!
how to quote the bible without really reading it.
what jesus said....or something like it.
how to profit from being a prophet.
how to pray-away-the -gay in 30 days.
lose that unsightly 20 pounds and save your soul.
is your hairdresser washing more than your hair?
10 ways to keep your wife in her place without leaving bruises.
preparing your 13-year-old for marriage: 25 most asked questions.
the best ways to sell jesus at your next yard sale.
i'm sure i could go on, but these were primarily what i could come up with before i figured out i'd better try to get back to sleep. and maybe by the end of the week i'll find some more candidates in my continuing search for the ultimate wanker.
see you around.
No comments:
Post a Comment