the year must be winding down because so much of this past week has a definite air of 'been there, done that' and in no time we'll be in the midst of the season of re-runs. it's not that i crave a whole new crop of morons; in fact i would find it so refreshing to have even a few days pass without having to see some of the same old obnoxious faces and or hear those 'finger-nails-on-the-blackboard' voices being reported on. but not this week, although this crop, despite covering some of the same ground, is more limited than those of the past.
down in cpac country, while it was winding up, winding down or just going **FLUSH**, michelle bachmann came out with what is probably the funniest statement, not just of her career, but of the entire year so far of anyone of any political or religious persuasion. commenting on the republican party, she stated (along with other blahblahblah) that they were, at their "core" an "intellectual movement". <pause for laughter to subside> i am soooo sorry! but isn't that an oxymoron of the 10th...make that 100th...degree? equating the gop/tp, the party that prides itself on rebuking anything scientific, the party that seeks to re-write history in order to teach our children their version of america while actively cutting school funding in order to promote a "religiously accurate" agenda, with anything remotely intellectual? [ i mean, in oregon they have made it possible for children to opt of such un-necessary and inconsequential things as math, reading and those pesky sciencey classes in order to study the more 'factually based' teachings on noah and biblical creation. and the collective i.q. scores go swirling down the crapper!] i truly believe she actually meant to say "bowel movement" but, with shit for brains, i can probably understand her confusion. had it been sarah palin, i could understand she couldn't read the crib notes on her hand, having smeared the while wiping her.......and our dear st. sarah continued to whine about how she's being bullied by some segments of the lgbt community, thus infringing on her constitutional right to be a god-loving christian, free to discriminate as she pleases. fyi...mark your viewing calendar 'cause there's a new show on the sportsmans channel starring ms. palin bloviating on all things outdoorsy and gun-sy and 'real american'. check your local listing so you can avoid watching it, if at all possible. personally i'd rather watch a 24-hour test pattern with a slim whitman soundtrack.
cpac, this year, deciding to acknowledge the fact that they must embrace a more diverse base, scheduled a panel discussion on how to address the issue of reaching out to minority communities. the panel mumbled a bit and did a fair amount of staring at one another because nobody bothered to show up. i guess people had to prioritize and were otherwise committed elsewhere. well, it's no wonder they had an empty ballroom! just for starters, they shouldn't have scheduled it for the same time as the all-you-can-eat meatball buffet, they didn't have an open bar and they canceled the 'jesus loves bullets' raffle. plus, there was no place for anyone to check their robes and hoods. you can't wear things like that indoors...in texas?? even with a.c. you sweat them all up, then you have to wash them...and iron them?! i mean, think people! how do you compete with an ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT MEATBALLS!!!
speaking of robes....the kkk in virginia decided to pass out flyers (more like throw them on peoples lawns in the middle of the night) to reassure their neighbors that they're really the good guys, a "law-abiding", "misunderstood" and "patriotic group" who have been getting some bad press for some time now. emphasizing that they are "non-violent" and despite the fact that they fully advocate for white supremacy, they are not...repeat NOT the enemy of "the black and mongrel races". phew!! for a minute there i was starting to think they were racist! thanks for clearing that all up. i feel so much better about the cross burning on my lawn. marshmallows anyone?? meanwhile, ann coulter continuing on her her "i am not racist" tour of any talk show that can stand having her around continued on with her blather about the immigration issue that is simply being used to put another 30 million voters in the democratic party coffers. her constant harping on this single issue reveals her to be the one-trick pony act and broken record she is, stressing the broken record part because the bitch be cracked!!!
something that would have fit in well with the oscar portion of our wanker coverage we have two cinematic references. relying on his vast reservoir of movie knowledge, pat robertson recommends that x-rated and horror films should be avoided because watching them opens the door to demonic possession because they 'invite them in'. if that were the case, i should have been exorcised years ago. and conservative film critic and defender of childhood, kevin swanson (who? never heard of him) advises parents to cross the film 'frozen" of any 'must-see' list because it is merely a tool being used by the nefarious gay-loving disney corporation to indoctrinate our young and specifically recruit more young girls to lesbianism, while at the same time advocating for the practice of beastiality. i'm surprised he made no mention of the talking snowman. surely there's evil in there somewhere.
after the debacle of having to put george zimmerman in a backroom to protect him from the adoring hoards (numbering in the...and i don't even have to take off my shoes!) seeking his autograph, a more recent event had to be moved because of public pressure. this time they got his signature on a photo of him with his dog (who reportedly later ran into traffic simply out of shame. he escaped unharmed, but was heard to yelp as he ran away, "FREE AT LAST!"). while there, he was heard to lament that all he wanted was his old life back (a sentiment that i'm sure trayvon would likewise share, were he able) and that what he really wants to do is become a civil rights attorney. riiiight!
a real quickie.....a bank robber who successfully robbed 4 banks was captured after he posted a picture of himself holding the gun he used in the robberies and wearing the same clothes he wore in the most recent one. a friend warned him that he shouldn't do it, but you can't discourage stupid.
harkening back to the fabulously successful ***cough*** truckers protest that threatened to shut down washington d.c. before congress beat 'em to it, some white pride organizations decided to band together for a white man's march, designed to attract millions in the cause of
caucasian equality. in the end, they attracted lots of picket signs (many just left stuck in the ground), banners on overpasses (which police demanded be taken down) and 10's of people.
WOW!! another VICTORY (for stupid)! wootwootwhistleclapclapclap!!
and finally, a group that doesn't recognize the word 'finally', i bring up (oh, the puns!) a group calling themselves THE DEAD RAISING TEAM. not content with watching episodes of 'the walking dead' or re-runs of 'resident evil', these folk go around the country, stopping at car accidents and visiting mortuaries looking for bodies that can be prayed over in order to bring them back to life. they were at one time followed by a film crew to document their practice, however none of the corpses was in the least bit cooperative. how rude! their leader, tyler johnson conducts seminars and training sessions (doesn't say if they're free, but do you really think they would be?), has written 4 books (2 fiction and 2 non-fiction, or 4 fiction, depending on how you look at them) and tours. through it all he can only provide dubious examples of factual occurrences supporting him and his claims, like the one about the heart surgeon who brought a patient back to life through only the power of prayer and his faith in jesus...and the use of a defibrillator.
well, that's it, and spring is almost upon us (starts tomorrow)! can't wait for the next crop of blooming idiots.
ta!
oh. a winner?
who cares.
ta.
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