Being one not satisfied wallowing in my discontent with not being able to personally witness The Magic of Totality, or even the piddly 83% projected for my area here in Milwaukee due to overcast skies, I felt it was my responsibility to myself to join the thousands of others, via television, watching the eclipse and being equally disappointed. However, while we were gathered in our mutual disappointment we were denying ourselves the wisdom of others who found meaning in this 'once in a lifetime' event.
Our first W.I.T.S moment comes from Jim Bakker and friends. Keeping in mind punctuation matters this is What Is This, Shit? Bakker, part-time preacher and full-time hawker of end-times slop buckets, who had previously claimed that the rainbow that appeared over the White House was a symbol of God's blessing on America and it's president, went on his program to claim that the solar eclipse was a sign that "God wants us to repent". He said that God was saying we should stop "mocking the profits [I'm sorry, that should be "prophets"]" and if we "don't know [we] are in the end times, [we] are so deceived". Bakker's friend and daughter of Billy Graham, Anna Graham Lotz, was a bit more specific about the eclipse, saying that it was a warning that God was preparing a judgement (or something because she admits she doesn't know what that something is) to fall upon America and equating those gathered to "celebrate" the event with "Babylonian drunkards". Christian nationalist spokesman blogger in an August 18th post, being a little more upbeat than Lotz, said the eclipse is a "metaphor, or a sign, of the work of the Prince of Darkness in obscuring the light of God's truth" since the sun is "a symbol of God's radiant love" and as the sun reappears after the eclipse, so does it symbolize the triumph of light (God) over darkness (Satan). Blessing or sign of dire things to come, the choice is yours.
The second W.I.T.S. moment, What? Is This Shit?, falls in line with the Lotz claims of judgement. Pastor Paul Begley, host of the radio show 'Coming Apocalypse', specifically quotes from the book of Joel, "The sun shall be turned to darkness before the day of the Lord come." He does, however, seem to be ignoring the fact that hundreds, if not thousands, of eclipses have occurred since that particular Bible verse was written. So why now? To compound his 'evidence', he uses as 'proof' the coming eclipse seven years from now that, while again offering a path of totality across the United States, it will run across the path created during this one, creating an 'X', as in 'X marks the spot'. And one might ask, why here? Well, one might suppose that it's because we are, in his mind and the minds of many like him, a 'godly nation, created and blessed by heaven' for the sole purpose of bringing on the Apocalypse and the return of the messiah. One might, but I'm not one. Begley also claims that things such as our contentious relations with North Korea, also play a role in hastening the apocalypse. "The Bible is true, and the current events that are happening before your very eyes were prophesized (sic) to happen in your Bible....I want you to know you're living in the last days."
Now, if this doesn't turn your W.I.T.S/ End-of-Days dial up enough, we have the theory advanced by David Meade in his book 'Planet X: The 2017 Arrival". Meade claims that this eclipse signals that on September 23rd, the planet Nibiru (planet X) will crash into earth. Originally saying this would occur in October, he's moved up the timeline because the eclipse in August is "a huge - major - harbinger." He points to the book of Isaiah, Chapter 13, verses 9 - 10 which says 'See, the day of the Lord is coming - a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger - to make the land desolate and destroy the sinners within it. The Stars of Heaven and their constellations will not show their light. The rising Sun will be darkened and the Moon will not give it's light.' He claims the verse has everything to do with the number 33 which he has called "the 33 Convergence" which goes something like this: the August 21st will begin "just as Isaiah predicted [again, like it's the first eclipse EVER]" and "is called a black moon" which, according to him, happen "every 33 months. In the Bible the divine name of Elohim [a divine name for God used in the Hebrew bible] appears 33 times in Genesis.", adding "The eclipse will start in Lincoln Beach, Oregon - the 33 state - and end on the 33rd degree of Charleston, South Carolina. Such a solar eclipse has not occurred since 1918, which is 99 years - or 33 times 3." Therefore, after 33 days, on September 23 there will be an alignment of the stars as described in the book of Revelation, "...an amazing omen and a frightful sign." Chapter 12 relates that "frightful sign", that a ' woman clothed with the Sun, with the Moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head...will give birth.' On September 23 the moon will appear at the 'feet' of the constellation Virgo and at 'her head' will be the nine stars of Leo and the planets Mercury, Venus and Mars. Virgo will then appear to 'give birth' to Jupiter, thus signalling the end.
As for this mysterious Planet X, Nibiru, it was first mentioned in the 1976 cult book 'The 12th Planet' by Zecharia Sitchin. The planet is home to a race called the Annunaki who were responsible for the creation of the human race. Nigel Watson, author of the UFO Investigations Manual supports this hypothesis saying "Nibiru collided with a planet called Tiamat that was situated between Mars and Jupiter", thus creating the asteroid belt we know today while simultaneously creating our Earth. The Annunaki then visited Earth, specifically Africa, in order to mine gold and, needing workers, they genetically engineered homo-sapiens. Seems to me that Sitchins and L. Ron Hubbard would have gotten along famously. Mixing 'science' and faith, think of the religion that could have been.
Finally, well at least for my purposes, we have What IS This Shit? Leaving behind apocalyptic/End-of-Days twaddle, we approach the eclipse from a purely scientific level. Well, sort of, if we put scientific in quotation marks. Meet the Flat Earthers. According to them, the earth exists under a large dome over which the sun and moon pass creating night and day. Therefore during a solar eclipse the moon (or another planet to be discussed shortly) passes between the earth and the sun creating the eclipse. the same would hold 'true' for a lunar eclipse. The Flat Earthers are ready to point out flaws in the way scientists (without question marks) describe how eclipses are explained. According to believers in the F.E. theory, the shadow the eclipse casts on earth should be much larger if the earth was truly round. Add to that, the shadows size is suspicious since they believe the sun and the moon are of equal size.
Some F.E. believers don't even believe that it's the moon that's passing in front of the sun that creates the eclipse, but a planet, one of many, that circle the earth. This planet, called Rahu, is named after the head of the Hindu planet-eating snake god and appropriates from the Hindu astrological theory known as Vedic astrology. Ascribing to this philosophy also means they don't believe the moon is reflecting sunlight but rather is the result of light reflecting back off a thin semi-transparnt screen, much like a theatrical scrim, by a rotating light source like a laser. Of course then we have to accept the 'fact' that lasers have been around for a very long time which might then make a connection to the Annunaki and create a whole new belief system.
While many F.E.ers believe it's enough to have the shadow theory to disprove 'globe-centricity', others want to blame the global media. [Here we go, more 'Fake News'.] Surely there was no 'moon landing' since it would be impossible for us to reach something that's 'beyond the dome'. Satellites? I'm sure the have some explanation. And as for all the warnings to not look directly into the sun during an eclipse? It's all a plot concocted by the authorities, in conjunction with the media, to prevent you from seeing what's really going on up there. NOTE: During this eclipse, there are photos of Trump "looking directly into the sun". Well, like it or not, he is the president and maybe he had permission to 'see what's really going on'. After all he does have access to the legendary Book Of Secrets (ask Nick Cage) and next he'll be visiting the alien bodies at Area 51, the sasquatch breeding grounds in Montana and the underwater military bases in Atlantis. But no photos...please.
So, there we have it, out three W.I.T.S. moments of yesterday. We all have them, sometimes (or should I say often) several a day or, unlike orgasms, many in a row. I'm positive there were more but since I wasn't paying much attention to the idiot in the White House I can only comment on what came to my attention during the story of the day. And, personally, I couldn't be happier because if I were to hear "Path Of Totality" one. more. time.
Until next time. It'll only be seven years. For now you're free to go back to whatever W.I.T.S. moment life has in store for you and remember...it's all in the punctuation.
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