Despite the fact the bible says in Matthew 13 that "concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father", David Meare, prominent (though by whose standards) 'christian numerologist' (read as conspiracy theorist, huckster...not to be confused with 'Huckabee', but close...read-my-book scam artist) has determined that by using the positions of stars and planets, including the sudden appearance of the mysterious 'Planet X' (right out of a B-grade 50's sci-fi flik, right?) the date of 'The Coming' is upon us. Using his inestimable talents he, and apparently ONLY he, has noticed that god (or his version thereof) has left a series of clues that lead like some heavenly scavenger hunt to the 'inevitable' conclusion that beginning tomorrow events will be set in motion, culminating in 'The Second Coming'.
We've seen it time and again, most recently during the last solar eclipse visible across the United States. That was supposed to be a harbinger of 'The End Times' only to have those making such claims back track with excuses like 'My math was off' (DAMMIT! I told you, CARRY THE 1!) or 'God changed his mind.' (Perhaps it was the picture of Donald staring directly into the eclipse without eye protection possibly proving he was truly a leader 'sent by god' and was under his divine protection). Whatever the excuse(s) offered nothing will dissuade others from coming forth with more reasons as to what is/will be the next thing to signal the BEGINNING OF THE END, be it same-sex marriage to abortion to the threat of the 2nd amendment being repealed, or anything that appeals to the 'christian'-conservative base.
That all being said, and should I be wrong (I know, shock of shocks, it's been known to happen), I'll send my so longs-farewells-auf weidersehens-adieus now and get back to my packing (How much underwear will I need or will it be supplied when I get to wherever I'm going?) 'just in case'. Plus, I have to remember to cancel my cable (Damn. I just added "Wonder Woman" to my dvr!) and newspaper subscription and put a hold on my mail, assuming of course I won't be 'Left Behind'. Should I not be one the 'fortunates', please let me know where you'll leave your spare key so I can stop by and make sure your pets are fed and walked. It's the least i can do.
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