as we approach the first in a series of finish lines, i thought i'd drop you a little note. as is customary in the theatre world, before a special performance it's a tradition to wish someone 'break a leg'. and i mean that. seriously. break a leg, though it would be preferable to say 'break a jaw' because it would be bliss to experience even just a few weeks with your mouth wired shut. the only downside would be that then we'd probably have to endure your spokesperson ramble on, one who has the ability at time to make even you at times sound intelligent.
it is, at this time, i do feel that you must be acknowledged for what, at least in my mind, are to be considered two major accomplishments. first of all, your cunning ability (whether intentional or not) to transform a once powerful and influential political organization into a version of a trembling, blushing, giggling coquette attempting to hide the occasional black eye or split lip recently received from an abusive paramour. now, in reality i would never blame the victim of such abuse for that treatment, but it is, in this case, fairly appropriate for they have allowed what they originally thought was only a delightful and humorous divertissement to transform itself into a raging sideshow freak-on-the-loose, attracting the howling villages with torches and pitchforks firmly in in their grasp in order to join with him to hand-in-hand attack his creators. those same creators who sat like fragile debutantes clutching their pearls behind their fans saying 'isn't he cute?' until it suddenly turned into 'don't look at me, i didn't do a thing'. fiddle-de-dee optional.
of course, this isn't something that happened overnight. thanks to a congress that vowed to make obama a one-term president and the emergence of the american taliba....excuse me, i meant tea party with leaders like the loon sisters, sarah and michelle, goober gohmert and that rising texas star, rafael 'call me ted just don't call me canadian' cruz and the rest of the crew of the ship of fools who took real delight in sitting on their hands rather than do some actual work on behalf of their constituents. i can't lean on one arm without it falling painfully asleep. can you imagine 7 years? i'm surprised their hands aren't permanently welded to their butts....but then there'd be no place for their heads. and all it cost us was a one-time government shutdown that cost us $24 billion. such a deal!!
but i digress.
the other accomplishment i wish to mention, though one that many might consider not-that-major is that through brief soundbites, clips and tweets you have managed to make the fox regulars sound somewhat rational. who knew that you could actually make megyn kelly sound she really knew what she was doing and handle herself like a fairly semi-competent journalist (excepting, of course her infamous 'interrogation' of the duggars)? as far as those like tarantula, douchey and the recently reinstated dash...among others...there remains little hope short of heavy medication, shock therapy or a lobotomy that any one of them should at any time in the near future attain even the semblance of rationality or intelligence, the last of course is assuming you could find something to operate on in those thick skulls.
so, in conclusion, these coming months will determine whether or not your money and your mouth will be able to carry you on to the treasured checkered flags leading to the winner's circle or if you'll be relegated to the whiner's circle along with several of the 'looooosers' you delight in slapping around on a regular basis. should that unthinkable happen, since you've said on many times that you are and only shall be a winner, i'd hope that you might find it in yourself to at least give the rest of us some kind of warning, maybe a 30 minute head start to make it to some kind of shelter because i'm certain that should you not come out on top there'll be hell toupee.
sorry. i couldn't help it
best (or at least as good as i can muster) wishes,
pmf.
p.s. in regards to your most recent comment concerning your probable success at shooting someone in times square, you refer to the 'loyalty' of your supporters. in order to be perfectly honest...i know, a concept with which you at times seems to be totally unfamiliar but go with me on this one.....you could have just as easily substituted the word 'stupid' for 'loyal'. while this may seem like it's stepping into the realm of cruel and demeaning, it must be taken into consideration that your followers, much like a majority of members of the tea party, don't really appear to possess a high level of intellect; they're most easily led while seemingly lacking the ability to think. i might have suggested using words like 'gullible' or 'credulous' but that might have resulted in an action unfamiliar to a majority of your acolytes, reaching for and using a dictionary. however that also brings into question their ability to spell. but should you really wish to test your hypothesis on 'fan loyalty', go right ahead and fire when ready. it could be a very interesting scenario, one which would certainly be worthy of a great deal of talking time over at fox. and if you really need a someone to shoot, might i suggest your dear friend sarah. she's so ready to kiss your ass i'm sure she'll do just about anything (and i do mean anything **wink wink....think knee-pads**). she knows enough about guns she actually might be able to duck
p.
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