another week where a great deal of weeding had to be done to eliminate the assholes from the wankers. arizona was on the edge with the passage of a law that would legalize discrimination in their state, allowing businesses and organizations to blatantly dent services to gays as long as they can prove it is to preserve their religious integrity. though not yet signed by gov. brewer, one restaurant jumped the gun by posting a "no gay eating" sign at their front door. though, all pornographic images aside, they do not define what they mean by "gay eating". no sequins or feather boas? no joan crawford 'come-fuck-me-pumps'? will they be judging one by the limpness of one's wrist or the ability to recite 'she sells sea shells' with minimal to no lisping? i guess with everything new there will be kinks to iron out, but, as i said, as of now it has not been signed into law (and if brewer wants to save millions of dollars that could gush out of her states' pockets, she'll use what few brain cells she has left and toss it in the nearest trash can), right now it's only the state legislators who thought this whole thing was a good idea who meet the criteria. and should it make it all the way, my apologies and sympathy are with the good folks who will have to suffer. living in a truly wanker-friendly state.
and, while we're on the topic of religion, i'll lump together several people who fit into the category of 'the good and the godly. let's first talk about retired lt. general jerry boykin who claims that in the coming war of good versus evil, jesus will come toting an AR 47, because that's the sword (the one jesus is supposed to carry, wearing a robe stained by the blood of the non-believers) of the modern world. and tom delay has chimed in with his superior knowledge of american history, and being a right honorable christian, during an interview on an evangelical christian network show. when asked where , in his expert opinion, this country went wrong, he declared it's because they've forgotten that "god wrote the constitution...based on biblical principles." moving a little east, we find the alabama house committee has passed along for further approvals a measure that would make it mandatory...i repeat, mandatory...for schools to have school prayers. done on a voice vote, recognized by committee chairperson, republican (surprised?) sue mc cluckin...i'm sorry, mc clurkin..., there was only one thing wrong. there were more votes to turn it down ...2 (yes), 3 (no) and (3) that did not vote...the why not being disclosed. when questioned, sue simply said, "well. that's what i heard." it apparently would have been to much work to have a show of hands, which obviously would have required the ability to count without using both hands or needing to take off one's socks. want to bet that if someone suggested equal prayer time for muslim students she miraculously be able to count and hear...by the grace of the one and only god that accepts prayers from real americans.
exchanging one god for another, we find turn to follow the disciples of the well armed jesus, where you're not a true believer unless you're packing 30 rounds or more per magazine and are willing to shoot before you think. the wyoming house education committee has advanced a bill that would allow not only teachers and school administrators, but coaches, school volunteers and contracted employees (which i'll assume means anybody from ethel the lunch lady, custodians or people doing business on school property to repairmen or anyone simply making a delivery. this was opposed by the wyoming gun owners association, but only because they objected to the language used in the bill which said school districts MAY adopt measures and not SHALL or MUST, thus not making it mandatory. i'm surprised they didn't offer up a suggestion that, should you forget your weapon, they'd gladly rent you one in the nra gift shop adjacent to the office for a nominal charge, no deposit or i.d. required (of course. that would be ridiculous and oh so unconstitutional).
on a related topic, the nra's claim that more guns will mean less violence, the johns hopkins center for gun policy noted in a study, using missouri's repeal of background checks in 2007 as an example that murders rose on average 60 per year, while those in neighboring states remained fairly stable with little or no fluctuation and the total u.s. statistics showed a decrease. but you know that will be met with a "poo-poo" and a "pish!" and claims of doctored numbers and un-american liberal media lies.
we all remember the montana judge who gave an admitted and convicted rapist a suspended sentence with minimal prison time because he felt the 14 year-old who had committed suicide as a result of the rape, because the victim was "older than her chronological age". there must be something in the air in 'big sky country' because we now have a prosecutor who told the mother of a 5 year-old rape victim that "boys will be boys". and in another case where a man confessed to raping an unconscious woman before stealing her car and, and despite the police recommending he be charged with both the rape and the car theft, the county attorney refused to file charges due to "insufficient evidence". somebody needs to look up the definition of 'confession'. because of these and other incidences brought to the attention of the united states d.o.j., investigations are now underway, which the montana a.g. insists is unnecessary and obviously just an attempt to push 'a political agenda'. since when did justice become a political agenda? and maybe a little more investigating needs to be done in minnesota. where a nursing home employee accused of raping an 89 year-old resident is being defended by his employers by claiming it was consensual and the woman 'was a flirt'. looking back on this last part, i think these nominees are over-qualified for mere wankerhood and have surely graduated to fucking disgusting assholes.
so, let's return to some that really deserve to wear the silver penis of wankery while retaining, on some level, that faint stink of shitheadedness. i refer now to two of the most recent inductees into the hall of whiners. both have gone public claiming that, in spite of fairly unanimous public opinion, that they are each the true victims in their respective ordeals. michael dunn even went so far as to compare himself to a rape victim who 'got what she deserved' because of her provocative dress. george zimmerman, on the other hand, while also claiming to be a victim claimed in a univision interview that he is near destitute, suffering from ptsd, misses his old life, was chased off a miami beach and apparently has a bounty on his head. all i can see is his fat face saying "FEEL SORRY FOR MEMEMEMEME!!!" he also said obama came out to sympathize with the martin family merely to garner votes. at least dunnn will get some of what he deserves. we can only hope the same is in george's future,
something that grabbed me and resulted in one of the biggest "WTF"s i have ever come out with was the news that a georgia republican wants to change the rules for convicted sex offenders, and i don't mean he wants to make their lives harder. AU CONTRAIRE! he wants to loosen, if not eliminate, his states restrictions that limit where they may live or where they can hang out, like parks and schools, or anyplace else their slimy little pervert hearts desire to go. ops. did that sound a tad judgemental? me so sorry. according to his generous reasoning, once they've served their time and meet the conditions of their release, anything less would be an infringement on their rights and any possibility of recidivism is outweighed by their deserving of constitutionally guaranteed personal freedom. even he admits it's "creepy" but he thinks it's worth it to help rein back on big government. if you haven't "WTF"ed at least once by now. take a moment. and if you feel the need to throw something....put down your keyboard.
no way to segue gracefully from sex offenders to michelle bachmann, except that maybe she seems to be obsessed with sex (others, not hers) and usually offended (and offensive), but after telling the truth last week concerning immigration reform....she dared to ignore the handbook that specifically states "above all else...lie!") that it will never happen because the potential admission of all those future democrats who just want to feed at the government trough is just too damned high. and she knows this is true because her deluxe magic 8 ball (available at the cruz-palin congressional tea party gift shop) said so. this week she says with all certainty that hillary will never be elected president because a) america isn't ready and b) the "white guilt that swept obama into office will never transfer to a woman. however, if the frontrunner were a gop-teapublican, i'm sure she'd be the first to pull out her crayons to crank out "THE TIME IS NOW!!" placards.
and michelle's not the only one seeming;y obsessed with sex. a certain professor mark regnerus of the university of texas-austin, who is also an outspoken critic of gay parenting, has issued a warning (though on what basis, i have no idea but it must have been one hell of a study!) that there is a definite danger, added on to the ever-increasing list already at hand, but this one is for straight men. according to him, marriage equality will put undue pressure on heterosexual males to feel compelled to request things of their wives and girlfriends; things like open relationships and anal sex. in referring to anal sex, however, he doesn't say if the man will be "giving" or "receiving". if he wants to be on the receiving end, legalizing gay marriage was never really a problem in the first place. and if the woman isn't open to letting her freak flag fly free, he's going to end up with a bloody lip and his possessions in a flaming shit-fueled pile on the front lawn.
we'll round out this week with a trip through the world of entertainment and a brief detour into a political suburb. i'll start with a new "reality" that i will admit i have never watched and have absolutely no intention of doing so. though i did watch an online introduction of the cast. the name basically says it all...rich kids of beverly hills. whoever thought this was a good idea obviously watched 'clueless' one too many times and for some reason thought it was a good idea to find real-life counterparts to the fictional cast. as if the kardashians weren't high enough on the insipid scale, we have a bunch of fairly nondescript (except for the fact that they may be considered attractive) early 20-somethings who take us along on a trip through their daily routines of shopping, drinking, brunching, kvetching, spa-ing and other self-centered activities while claiming, as one girl did, that they just wanted to show the world that they are just like everybody else, with lives, troubles and sensitivities (only more unfairly judged than "normal" people...and a lot more money than anybody watching will ever see). in one promo, one of the girls considers the possibility of going out and getting a ...GASP!...JOB. one of her friends is understandably shocked because the prospect of her friend having a job would interfere with, like, hanging out and stuff. the only shows i find less attractive and obnoxious are the 'real wives' and any one of the shows in the bachelor/bachelorette franchise.
in the same category of obnoxious, the darling princess of wasilla, bristol palin, came out with a scathing rebuke of people, much like those from 'rich kids' and herself, for feeling that they don't have to work for what they want out of life. chiding them for feeling that everything in life should be handed to them. the says they should learn what she learned from her parents and the bible...nothing comes without hard work. and she should know. she apparently makes $30,000 for appearances around the country speaking on sexual responsibility because, as she tells her audiences, it's hard work having a baby. i'll give her credit for not stressing abstinence and actually talking about contraceptives, but that's about as far as i'm willing to go. and as for her other work experience, we can't forget her stint on 'dancing with the stars' (and i still can't figure out when she became a star, unless it was that whole unwed mother, daughter of a failed politician bit), a failed 'reality' show, and a book well-received by the conservative readers (yes, some do exist) who bought it based solely on the fact that she was sarah's daughter. but she did graduate from high school on time, so i guess she gets a few points for that, considering it took her mother six years and four colleges to earn a 4-year degree.
so there we have it. i'd so love to give it to the young'uns (particularly bristol. but since sarah has set such a high low bar i really don't want to have her upstage her mother) but they're young and i don't want to spoil them when their future in wankery is still so bright. and the legislator of arizona will get a grudging pass since some backers have since seen the light and are now urging brewer to veto the bill that still sits on her desk. funny how the potential loss of millions of dollars can get one to rethink their christian principles. zimmerman and dunn are simply proving how pathetic they are as human beings, so i'm going to shove them aside. i think i'm going to go with the georgia peach and his concern for the freedoms denied convicted sex offenders over the welfare of their past and potential victims. some may consider him above and beyond the rank of mere wanker, so maybe i'll have to create a unique title for him. so, let's call him this weeks asswanker, a hybrid of asshole and wanker.
so that's it for another week. and i must apologize for being so late. it was a matter of phouquewad overload and writers block with just a touch being a tad lazy.
ttfn.
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